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Working with Your Life Partner (JJ 628)

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Working with Your Life Partner (JJ 628)


Jill DeWit:                            Hello.

Jack Butala:                         Welcome to the Jack and Jill Show. Entertaining real estate investment advice. I’m Jack Butala.

Jill DeWit:                            And I’m Jill DeWit broadcasting from sunny southern California.

Jack Butala:                         Today Jill and I talk about working with your life partner.

Jill DeWit:                            Do you want to know what the real title was?

Jack Butala:                         I have a lot to say about this.

Jill DeWit:                            I have to share. The real title when you reached out to me the other day, you’re like “Hey, what do you want to talk about this week?” And I said “Working with your life partner,” in parenthesis, “and not smother them in their sleep.” I noticed you cut that part off.

Jack Butala:                         There’s a lot of ways you can end that.

Jill DeWit:                            Oh boy.

Jack Butala:                         Before we get into, let’s take a question posted by one of our members on the jackjill.com online community. It’s free.

Jill DeWit:                            Okay. Chip [F. Asse 00:00:45]. In chapter five, well, no chapter five, Jack uses a basic Excel spreadsheet to add all the fields that he’s selecting for a particular mailer in order to keep track of what he sent. I looked in the final online environment where the data is for the spreadsheet to download and I couldn’t find it. If anyone has it could you please share? Thanks in advance. Was somebody drunk when they put this in here? Is that … oh.

Jack Butala:                         Yeah. Why? You mean me? Or the producer?

Jill DeWit:                            The producer?

Jack Butala:                         You mean when I chose this?

Jill DeWit:                            Yes.

Jack Butala:                         No, absolutely not.

Jill DeWit:                            Why did you choose this question?

Jack Butala:                         Because if you go to landacademy.com/resources, there’s a ton of data there, and I wanted to take this opportunity to do that. [crosstalk 00:01:33]

Jill DeWit:                            For our members?

Jack Butala:                         Some of the details of the resources are for members and some are open to the public. There’s also a tremendous amount of information. Tremendous amount of information on offers2owners.com. If you go to the resources there, all the-

Jill DeWit:                            Tools. It has like, templates and everything. Forms. [crosstalk 00:01:52] forms.

Jack Butala:                         Yeah. This is templates specifically. What this person is asking for is on there, and it’s a beefed up version [inaudible 00:01:59] the programs, so my point is, before you spend a dollar … and you can’t see it in this format Jill, but on landinvestors.com people all jump in and say “Hey, go here, go here, go here.” It’s all answered, so …

Jill DeWit:                            Yeah. Offers 2 Owners. I know it’s there.

Jack Butala:                         All of our websites, Land Academy, Offers 2 Owners-

Jill DeWit:                            Number two owners.

Jack Butala:                         Offers 2 Owners, and then House Academy, which we’re just about to release here, has a tremendous amount of resources in it. Land Investors itself, if you look at the widgets on the right and left side, have all kinds of spreadsheets and analysis forms and things like that.

Jill DeWit:                            Thank you Chip, for using the online environment too, for anything. [inaudible 00:02:38] go talk to anybody about anything there. You could ask about “Hey guys, I can’t find this. Where is it?” To “Has anyone done this area and run into a situation like this?” That’s what it’s for.

Jack Butala:                         Exactly.

Jill DeWit:                            Everything. Awesome.

Jack Butala:                         Today’s topic, working with your life partner without using rat poison. This is [inaudible 00:02:58].

Jill DeWit:                            You’re such a stinker. Oh my goodness. You know, it’s funny you say that because every time we’re watching a show, we watch a show or a movie, you always have a lot to say about “Yeah, that does work.” I’m like, “How do you know this stuff?” It’s like a murder going on and the spouse has been slowly being poisoned or something by the other spouse. You’ll often weigh in and go “Yeah, that works. I’ve read that. A little bleach and no one will … you know, you can’t even pick up on the smell.” And I’m like “How do you know that Jack?” And then it makes … what are you? Why do you know that?

Jack Butala:                         I’m from Detroit.

Jill DeWit:                            Oh.

Jack Butala:                         That’s a lot of it.

Jill DeWit:                            Oh.

Jack Butala:                         And I’ll leave it at that.

Jill DeWit:                            It’s kind of scary the stuff that you know. Like Breaking Bad, some of the things in Breaking Bad that they did, the ways of disposing of bodies and you’d go “Yeah, that works.” I’m like “Whoa.”

Jack Butala:                         I just have a … honestly, have always had-

Jill DeWit:                            Just joking.

Jack Butala:                         Like a forensics/interest, like a pathological … I have an interest in pathology and what it all leads to. I have no idea why. Like serial killers and stuff. What happens with all that, and how do they get away with it? I clearly have no interest in being that. I just, I don’t know, I’m interested in stupid stuff.

Jill DeWit:                            It’s interesting for-

Jack Butala:                         That’s the real answer. I’m interested in a lot of stupid stuff.

Jill DeWit:                            Got it.

Jack Butala:                         It’s limitless, the stupid stuff I’m interested in.

Jill DeWit:                            You know, I’m familiar with that. Yes. That’s one of the beautiful thing about working with your life partner. You get to learn all about the stupid stuff they come up with. All the time. It’s funny. See, you know what? Here’s one of the things. Working with your life partner, there’s parts about it that you love, and there’s parts about it that you hate, and it sucks because you can’t fire them. I am sure that there are days … fortunately the good definitely outweighs the bad, otherwise we wouldn’t be here, but I know that there are days when you want to fire me, and I want to quit.

Jack Butala:                         Not so much anymore. In the beginning it was kind of hard.

Jill DeWit:                            Yeah. You have to find your groove.

Jack Butala:                         Here’s what I … I have a lot of experience with this. Working with friends, it’s not just limited to life partner or spouse.

Jill DeWit:                            That’s funny. You’re the only one for me. So what’s your experience?

Jack Butala:                         So for me, it does not work. Number one, the vast majority of the time it doesn’t work unless the two people involved, and this is not just partner specific, the two people that are involved have the same long term goal.

Jill DeWit:                            Ah.

Jack Butala:                         You and I have had the same long term goal since minute one.

Jill DeWit:                            True.

Jack Butala:                         Now, that’s when the problems start, because I think two people, any two people are going to go about stuff differently.

Jill DeWit:                            It’s true.

Jack Butala:                         So that long term goal is the same, and how you go about it is diametrically different than I do. In fact, we made a show out of it. So you just have to keep a positive attitude about that and understand the other person’s coming from somewhere else completely, and make it positive.

Jill DeWit:                            Right. Then meanwhile you can tell-

Jack Butala:                         Yeah, you can tell.

Jill DeWit:                            If they’re really trying and they’re passionate about something, they’re just going about it a different way. You know, that’s okay. If someone’s really trying to be malicious, you can tell. That’s not okay.

Jack Butala:                         Right.

Jill DeWit:                            So [crosstalk 00:06:26].

Jack Butala:                         The real challenge specifically, working with a person that you’re sleeping with, is there’s no more filter, right? The filter that you have with a co-worker, like in a company you don’t own, there’s just a behavioral filter that happens. We had a few episodes ago, that we’re just living in this time of gross over emotion, where anything you feel and say, you just put it on the Facebook. Put it out on the internet.

Jill DeWit:                            Oh, in general?

Jack Butala:                         Yeah. There’s too much emotion.

Jill DeWit:                            Oh, yeah, people do that. It’s true.

Jack Butala:                         There’s not enough walking away. Just like “Eh, whatever. She’s crazy today. I love her, she’s crazy, I’ll talk to you in a little while.”

Jill DeWit:                            Right, I know.

Jack Butala:                         That’s what needs to go out, and that’s what we do.

Jill DeWit:                            Exactly. You have to be careful because otherwise it’ll consume your life.

Jack Butala:                         Yeah.

Jill DeWit:                            That said, there’s times that I look … I’m like, “We’ve talked about nothing but work today. This can’t be good,” but-

Jack Butala:                         If you’re a control freak, and you have to … you know that whole saying “If you want to get something done right, do it yourself?”

Jill DeWit:                            That’s a bunch of baloney.

Jack Butala:                         Whoever invented that saying needs to be strung up for a while.

Jill DeWit:                            Yeah.

Jack Butala:                         I mean, nothing would ever get built.

Jill DeWit:                            Exactly.

Jack Butala:                         No company would ever get built.

Jill DeWit:                            One man would be building every building.

Jack Butala:                         Yeah.

Jill DeWit:                            That doesn’t work.

Jack Butala:                         It should go something like “If you want to get something done right, involve yourself with some good people and treat them well, and motivate them.”

Jill DeWit:                            Right. Exactly.

Jack Butala:                         That’s just … I don’t know. Who made that up?

Jill DeWit:                            Exactly.

Jack Butala:                         You will go nowhere fast in life if you’re not trusting the people around you for better or for worse and empower them. Give them the tools they need to succeed. This is no different.

Jill DeWit:                            You know, I think the best thing about us is, working together, is like you talked about. Not just the end goals, but I mean, we really get it. I understand. I think I did from early on. I think I understood your vision and what this was all about, and it came naturally to me too, and you understood where I was coming from, and my background and my experience, and then we’ve taken it a step further where we have successfully … it’s taken a long time, but really divided up the workload, divided up the tasks, divided up our responsibilities to really use you for your best abilities, which are things that I’m not good at, and vice versa.

Jack Butala:                         Reflect our native talents.

Jill DeWit:                            Yeah, it’s just, and you have to … sometimes it’s hard. You have to admit … it’s hard to admit sometimes you’re not good at something, and I am so guilty of that it’s not even funny. I want to be a pro at everything, and it’s silly.

Jack Butala:                         You know, one of the things that we don’t talk about ever Jill, and we probably take it for granted is the fact that we’re super honest with each other.

Jill DeWit:                            Yeah.

Jack Butala:                         Because I’ll tell you right now, this whole business … and this is the second cliché I’m going to destroy in this episode.

Jill DeWit:                            Oh good.

Jack Butala:                         This whole thing, “fake it until you make it.”

Jill DeWit:                            Oh, yeah.

Jack Butala:                         For whatever reason I’ve heard young women use this term lately.

Jill DeWit:                            I think it’s ridiculous.

Jack Butala:                         If you’re faking it, and you walk into an office, and you have any kind of technical position at all, it’s so ridiculously obvious from second one to everybody. And then just to make it worse, you’re sitting there and talking and over talking, because that’s what happens. I’ve been involved with people like this. If anybody listening has a corporate job, 90% of the people that work with them are just faking it.

Jill DeWit:                            Exactly.

Jack Butala:                         You and I have never … if there’s something that you can’t do or that I can’t do, or don’t want to do, we just say “You know what? This sucks. I don’t want to do it.”

Jill DeWit:                            Exactly.

Jack Butala:                         Or “I’m really bad at it. You’re better at it. Can you please do it?” And for whatever reason that’s just worked for us. So there’s no-

Jill DeWit:                            Well you know, and also, it’s not even we ask for it. You have said “Jill, sweetheart, sit down.” You have done this. It’s so true.

Jack Butala:                         No. Oh my God.

Jill DeWit:                            “I know that you really, really, really want to be good at this, but I have to tell you, you suck.”

Jack Butala:                         What? When have I ever said that to you?

Jill DeWit:                            [crosstalk 00:10:25] that to me.

Jack Butala:                         What?

Jill DeWit:                            Oh come on. Come on, you know you have. So-

Jack Butala:                         Like what time? Like what? What talent? What is this talent?

Jill DeWit:                            I’m not going to [inaudible 00:10:35] some of the … well you know what, I’ve impressed you. You know what? Sometimes you have said this to me and I have proved you wrong, because that’s me too. Sometimes it involves technical abilities.

Jack Butala:                         Oh, geez, yeah.

Jill DeWit:                            Right? Well hold on a moment.

Jack Butala:                         Yeah, computers.

Jill DeWit:                            Right? And let me back up here. I sometimes don’t think you give me enough … this has turned into a counseling session.

Jack Butala:                         Yeah.

Jill DeWit:                            I don’t think you give me a fair shake because, come on, there’s times that you’re like “Oh, she can’t do it.” And then “Do, do, do, here you go, done.” You’re like … and then I’m not-

Jack Butala:                         Okay, let’s make this positive shall we? Here’s what Jill just shines at, and it’s one of the reasons that we have-

Jill DeWit:                            Uh oh.

Jack Butala:                         A tremendous amount of daily success. Every day, real estate comes in to our database. The calls get fielded or the mail comes in and there’s signed offers, and there’s a database, and I go in there and I say “I love this property at 22,000 bucks. Can you try to get it for 22 or anything below that, and we should … then we need to close the deal fast.” But at 35, the way that they signed it and sent it back, there’s not enough meat on the bone, and Jill will stand up straight, get on the phone and make that happen like no one I’ve ever seen.

Jill DeWit:                            Thank you.

Jack Butala:                         So that, think about that one … just, what if that was Jill’s job all day?

Jill DeWit:                            I know.

Jack Butala:                         How much dough would we make in real estate investment?

Jill DeWit:                            I know.

Jack Butala:                         So if you don’t know what a mouse if versus a keyboard-

Jill DeWit:                            Oh stop it.

Jack Butala:                         No, I’m not saying you don’t. I’m saying if you don’t. It’s not that bad, but if you need some computer person to sit next to you and put your hand on the mouse and move it around for you, then that’s fine because that talent, that one … and you have a million talents like that one I just described. So forget about the computer stuff. I mean it.

Jill DeWit:                            I’m pretty good at computers by the way. I can make a website, I can do stuff, I can put things in there. Come on.

Jack Butala:                         What I was referring to was your level of … your short fuse and level of frustration with electronics. That’s it. It’s not your talent. It’s just you don’t have any patience for it.

Jill DeWit:                            That’s fair.

Jack Butala:                         And then it takes three or four minutes of really focusing on a huge computer problem like an operating system issue-

Jill DeWit:                            That’s fair.

Jack Butala:                         And you’re ready to go [crosstalk 00:13:06].

Jill DeWit:                            It’s not that I can’t get it done.

Jack Butala:                         Yeah. It’s not lack of talent. It’s lack of patience.

Jill DeWit:                            Yeah, okay. Thank you.

Jack Butala:                         You want to talk about lack of patience between the two of us?

Jill DeWit:                            Tell me.

Jack Butala:                         I’m the one who doesn’t have any patience with any [crosstalk 00:13:17] person, people driven. Employees, any of it. I have no patience for any of it.

Jill DeWit:                            I know.

Jack Butala:                         And it gets worse because I can lean on you. That’s the other thing. When you’re working with your partner, you just tend to lean on them for stuff. You get a little lazy let’s say.

Jill DeWit:                            It’s true.

Jack Butala:                         You know, you wouldn’t do that if you were working for a big accounting firm.

Jill DeWit:                            No.

Jack Butala:                         You’d just suck it up and do it.

Jill DeWit:                            Exactly.

Jack Butala:                         And then the other thing Jill, that I wrote down before the show, is that we have a lot of practice at it. We failed at working together. Here’s the things we failed at. Tried and failed at.

Jill DeWit:                            This is good.

Jack Butala:                         Working out of our house.

Jill DeWit:                            At the same time.

Jack Butala:                         Working on the same projects together. Jill and I never work on the same projects together.

Jill DeWit:                            That’s the fastest way to fail.

Jack Butala:                         Complete different approaches on how to get stuff done.

Jill DeWit:                            Uh huh.

Jack Butala:                         And so she works … she has a whole separate staff. She doesn’t even let me talk to those people.

Jill DeWit:                            No, I don’t.

Jack Butala:                         And it’s in a complete separate zip code. So whatever goes on, the details of whatever goes on there, I have no idea, and I have the same situation in a different zip code. We actually live in a house that has two separate houses on one parcel. Lots of stuff goes on in one house and lots of stuff goes on in the other house, and it works great. And how do we come about this?

Jill DeWit:                            Our offices are very separate. Literally separate.

Jack Butala:                         We came about all this because we failed at it.

Jill DeWit:                            Yeah. It’s true.

Jack Butala:                         It works great now I think. Or, did you write this show just so you could tell me on the air that it’s not working for you?

Jill DeWit:                            Yeah, I was venting. We got to talk. Yeah, that’s it. Jack, we have to talk. No.

Jack Butala:                         We’ve owned Land Academy long enough now, and now just about House Academy here where there’s people that joined our group as a couple who are no longer a couple.

Jill DeWit:                            That’s so true.

Jack Butala:                         So they have their own separate user names now and we’re … and I feel bad about that. For whatever reason they just didn’t want to work together, stick it out.

Jill DeWit:                            It’s okay. Things happen.

Jack Butala:                         I think the odds are stacked against you to work with your spouse.

Jill DeWit:                            Yeah. I do think that you’re right. I think that we are not the norm and it’s really, really hard, and there’s a whole book and a whole separate show right there. So, don’t want to do it but it’s there. It’s hard, and it isn’t for everyone, so don’t think that there’s anything wrong if you and your spouse can’t work together and have a happy joyous life. You’re not crazy. You’re normal.

Jack Butala:                         Exactly Jill.

Jill DeWit:                            We’re not normal.

Jack Butala:                         Well said. You know, the other thing too, and this is my last point, for whatever reason, six or seven or eight o’clock at night, when everything is over, you and I can meet somewhere, wherever it is, and just have a good time and forget about the whole thing.

Jill DeWit:                            It’s true.

Jack Butala:                         Not even talk about it. You know what? Honestly, that was hard for me for a long [crosstalk 00:16:15]

Jill DeWit:                            I was going to say, you know what’s funny about that? I was going to say I’ve never had trouble with that and I remember you going “How do you do that? How do you just flip a switch?” And I’m like “Oh, I can forget about work really fast. Watch this. I’ll have another one. Bartender! Watch. Here’s how I flip the switch. Bartender!”

Jack Butala:                         That’s what I’m saying. So, you know.

Jill DeWit:                            Too easy for me.

Jack Butala:                         We all know people who are incapable, for whatever reason, of celebrating differences and diversity. Alright, I don’t want to sound like a public service announcement. You and I are not those people. The more different people are, the more I appreciate them.

Jill DeWit:                            I agree.

Jack Butala:                         And the more I learn. And so, my parents for example, are just the most closed minded people there ever was. Ever.

Jill DeWit:                            Got it.

Jack Butala:                         They don’t want to talk about or learn anything anymore. They just want the thing that they think is right, and that’s it. And they only hang out with people that are just like them. How do you learn anything?

Jill DeWit:                            I know, that one is kind of sad.

Jack Butala:                         You know, I love your different approach to stuff. I mean it. I respect it, and no matter what, within reason, I’m like “Alright, where’s she going with this? It seems crazy as hell to me. Let’s see where it goes.”

Jill DeWit:                            Thank you. Thank you Jack. I appreciate that. I enjoy working with you.

Jack Butala:                         Me too.

Jill DeWit:                            This is fun.

Jack Butala:                         Me too. Well, we’ve done it again. We’ve wasted another, I don’t know, 20 minutes I guess listening to the Jack and Jill Show. Join us tomorrow where we discuss how we see a real estate deal for exactly what it is. Nothing more and nothing less.

Jill DeWit:                            Love it. And we answer your questions. Should you have one, post it on our jackjill.com online community.

Jack Butala:                         You are not alone in your real estate ambition.

Jill DeWit:                            That was fun.

Jack Butala:                         It was. It was therapeutic.

Jill DeWit:                            It was. This show and yesterday’s show-

Jack Butala:                         I know.

Jill DeWit:                            We were both … you said that off the air, and I’m going to say it on the air. Not that anybody’s listening, but … These are all really us, but some of the shows are really, really, really, really us. You know what I mean? So [crosstalk 00:18:26]

Jack Butala:                         You know, this thing that’s coming up tomorrow, see our deal for what it really is. That’s the problem. That’s one of the reasons people can’t work together. There’s some people that just look at a real estate deal and they want to leave their job so bad, or they want to be a real estate investor so bad, they start to see stuff that’s not there.

Jill DeWit:                            And make bad decisions.

Jack Butala:                         Yeah.

Jill DeWit:                            I agree.

Jack Butala:                         You know, financially fatal decisions.

Jill DeWit:                            I’ve talked to people about that. I have said “Look, this …” I remember talking to a woman recently and I told her that your biggest thing right now, you got to get out of … stop seeing these as more than what it is, like you just said. It’s a line item. It’s just a-

Jack Butala:                         What were they doing?

Jill DeWit:                            Every property had a story, and if you sit and have a story and fall in love and a feeling for every single property that you buy and sell, you’re not going to have time to do your stuff.

Jack Butala:                         What kind of story? Like a seller story?

Jill DeWit:                            Yeah, like “Oh, it was gorgeous, and then this is what happened, and the bushes and the trees and the whatever, and you could do this with it and you could do that with it.” You know, I’m like “Why are you even going there?” You can’t go there.

Jack Butala:                         There’s just not enough time.

Jill DeWit:                            There isn’t. That’s what I’m [crosstalk 00:19:30]

Jack Butala:                         You’re just wasting your time then, yeah.

Jill DeWit:                            I don’t know if that’s what the show is about tomorrow, but that’s what I was thinking.

Jack Butala:                         Actually, the show tomorrow is about the real estate deal that you want to buy for 5,000 dollars you should be buying it for three. And if you’re seeing something in there that you can … “Oh, well I can get nine because it’s got a pretty …” No.

Jill DeWit:                            Forget it. Oh, don’t do that.

Jack Butala:                         Whatever you think, especially if you’re new, cut your purchase price in half. Don’t see some silliness, silly fictitious pie in the sky, oh we can get a Ferrari on this property. I’ve seen people, young men do that specifically. It’s silly.

Jill DeWit:                            I agree. Thank you Jack. Hey, share the fun by subscribing on iTunes, or wherever you’re listening. And while you’re at it, please rate us there. We are Jack and Jill-

Jack Butala:                         Information-

Jill DeWit:                            And inspiration-

Jack Butala:                         To buy undervalued property.

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