Working with Your Spouse (LA 1047)
Speaker 1: Steve and Jill here. Hi, welcome to the Land Academy show, entertaining land investment talk. I’m Steven Jack Butala and I’m Jill Dewitt, broadcasting from sunny southern California. Hi, Jill and I talk about working with your spouse.
Speaker 1: I love it. I have never seen you feverously scribble notes before an episode like you just did just now. I have a lot to say, so this is either going to go really well for me or not. It’s going to go just one. We felt our group took a while. That’s it. You’ve got to find your group like a decade. I can help. Yeah, that’s true. Before we get into it, let’s take a question posted by one of our members on the landinvestors.com online community. It’s free. Tabitha shares new member here. I’ve decided on two counties to mail, but wondering has anyone used the data list they downloaded for county more than once for a mailing for instance, or if I choose to only mail one fourth of the list after it’s been scrubbed, but say the remainder to mail a month or a couple months later, is that feasible? Yes. Or does the data change rapidly enough that it’s worth pulling and paying for the data? Again, for rural vacant land, you’re going to be fine.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: In fact, real quest itself, we’re a licensed provider, shows you how the age of the data exactly for houses. If you wait in a, in a real Hyde style, real low days on market area
Speaker 1: Yeah. Can you go turn that fan on? Yes. In a real low days on market area,
Speaker 3: You’re going to see exactly how many d properties are turning. So if you’ve got a universe of properties in a zip code that are like a 5,000 and you’ve got two or three or 400 turning every month, which is substantial percentage wise, you might want to refresh the data and here’s why data’s real cheap. You don’t have a line of data’s 10 cents through us. You’re not going to find it much cheaper than that. Right? What’s expensive is the mail. So you don’t want, you don’t want to let this data kind of age on your desktop in excel for too long because now you’re wasting 55 cents to send a send out an offer to somebody that’s no longer there versus just 10 cents to to get you know, to purchase a data and keep it [inaudible].
Speaker 1: So what do you think? I think, let’s just say if she did it within 90 days.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Okay. I mean for houses you gotta be for houses? No, I think you need real fresh data for rural vacant land, I really think you can get away with you can get away
Speaker 1: Voter data a little longer. Yeah. So I think that’s a really good question. And so we will do that. Like, like, you know, you don’t want to send out 8,000 at once. Maybe you can’t handle that, you know, volume wise, but maybe you can do chunks of 1500 at a time and have the next six weeks. You don’t have 1500 drop in 1500 job and then play with it. And you’ll know next time. Yep. I can more, I should pull less. No kind of thing.
Speaker 3: Earlier on in the life of this podcast, we were really advocated sending out 1500 units a month. Right. and [inaudible] yeah. Well yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I, I really we’re experimenting personally in our own company sending out 20,000 units all at once and it’s actually working out pretty well, but we’re really well staffed.
Speaker 1: It’s so nice. The more that you send out, I will say this, the more you send out, the more deals that come back, the more you get to review at that one time and pick the top five or 10 or whatever you could afford or handle. That’s the best. So I love it. And now deal funny, you can handle more, but just more.
Speaker 3: We’re just on vacation. A couple of episodes. We were talking to a guy, we were talking about it and we got like a VRVO with another family. So it was a house and the backyard was a source street and it was blossoming. And so we were putting, pulling oranges off the thing. Yeah. And mixing them energy drinks and stuff like throughout the whole week at the end of the vacation, I was thinking, this is a stupid stuff. I think about it on vacation. So I’m staying in the back cause we ran out of oranges. We like harvested all the oranges that we couldn’t get. Right? So then I’m sitting there thinking, what if this is like a mailer? So Joe’s right, if you send out 20,000 units and you’ve got all this literally low hanging fruit, you’re not, you’re gonna look at, you’re not just going to pick, walk up to the tree and pick up picked one that’s low, right? You’re gonna look for the, the one that’s like the most orange big and perfectly. And then so then now the selection is a little bit less and two days later the selection is a little bit less. And now you’ve got to climb up the tree eventually. So there’s some, there’s some especially if you’re new, there’s some real validity to sending out a big mailer and then beginning to make sure you get some great deals.
Speaker 1: Start the ball rolling. Right? Yeah. But that was a very good analogy. I like that. Trying to move on from dating analogies. Oh you ship analogies. I do like, yeah, I do like orange tree in our drinks, which was really funny. Which was totally true. So take a glass. Do you know what happened? Here’s what happened. The kids drink all the other juices, all the Cran, anything else that we had, it was gone. So we’re all dumb kids. Yes. We’re sitting there looking, looking around going, they didn’t touch the alcohol. Thank goodness. So we know. Yeah, exactly. So anyway, we’re looking around, I like orange tree and then we got into and we’re like, this is the best thing ever.
Speaker 3: It was so good. You take a glass jam full of ice, store-bought ice, if you can, not the refrigerator county fill it up about 33% of it with vodka and then go harvest a in orange back there and just juice it. Right one, they hit a little juicer there cause they, they could see the future that people who are in the house. Yeah. And then pour some orange, fresh orange juice. It’s like almost still growing. Yeah, it was good. And those are good. That was so much fun. That was good. Today’s topic, working with their spouse. This is the meat of the show again,
Speaker 1: Joe. I mean take it away because I know you have a lot to say and I’ll try to survive this episode. What, you’re the one that pick list. You’re silly. No, I want to hear what you have to say. I want to give you my thoughts and I’d like to hear your thoughts please. Okay. So the first thing that I think you need to do that we have done and we know it’s interesting, is we have several people, several members in our community that are doing this exact thing. And it’s funny cause they identify and they will tell us, oh, I’m the Jill in this relationship or I’m the Jack in this relationship. And it’s usually data and sales is how I see them. So it’s kind of funny how they, how they are. And it’s, it’s challenging when you’ve, when you first do this and you’re, you know, you’re spending a lot more time together than you’re probably used to.
Speaker 1: You know, back back in the day, I had you know, 40 hour a week job outside of the house and you add getting there and back. You know, I was gone the majority of the time. Yeah. And then to be thrown into, I guess we’re doing this together now, I’m a, we can’t afford it, and B, it makes the most sense. There’s a little ebb and flow that you go through as you will find your way. And the good news is to I only know of one couple that it didn’t quite work out for. And I want to say, I think it was the writing was on the wall on the wall before they got into this. So I remember that. You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. But what’s, so here’s what’s so funny about this, there was working together where they, I think they were and what happened was then they were not married but they were still having their own separate lands companies.
Speaker 1: So exactly. I don’t know which one’s more successful now, but it’s pretty darn funny. So it wasn’t, so what I wanna say about this is it wasn’t the business obviously cause the businesses survived their, their relationship didn’t. So I’m sure it was before that. I just throw that funny note in there. So anyway, so for me, I think the first step is to first learn to separate your roles and one of you is going to have to be a leader. You can’t have two leaders. That’s just a fact. It’s true. You can’t, you really can’t, but you can’t separate your roles. And you could say, all right, you may be the leader of all of this, but under this whole big umbrella, hey I got sales or I get this or I’m good with best with the money or whatever it is, figure that out, put it on paper.
Speaker 1: We even do that. We have an org chart and I’ll be honest, Stephen’s at the top of the org chart, but who comes next? Then it’s me and then after that then it’s all the other little pieces on the org chart. That’s just a fact. And and I, and I’m, I’m admitting this here on video and audio. It’s very hard for me to accept it sometimes, but you are at the top of the org chart. So I, and I know my place now. That’s, that’s number one. Number two, you got to separate the hierarchy. Even though he’s on the top of the org chart in the business, he’s not the top of the org chart in the home and that’s shirt. No, but then with 50 50 there, but you know what, even in our home, you know what’s kind of funny, I’ll share this.
Speaker 1: I’m when it really kind of comes to, except for the studio and his space, the rest of the house, I kind of get to call the shots inside, but when it comes to outside the house, he gets to call the shots. So that’s how we divided up. And then, and then it’s clear, it’s really nice. So I could stand in the kitchen and go, okay, whose space are we in? And he goes, yeah, I guess you’re right. Yeah. And I said, okay. And then I’m like in the studio, I don’t say a word, it’s, that’s his, his place, the downstairs bar area and our whole first floor, like as pretty matures, I don’t say a word that’s yours, but the rest of the house and like, you know, the way the bedroom and stuff’s arrange, I get to call those shots. Yeah. And it’s, it’s nice.
Speaker 1: So, so you have to separate that. You also have to separate time and location boundaries. This is something that we learned over the years and it’s hard and expensive. Expensive. Oh No, I’ve met difficult boy, we hear it. I hear what you’re saying to your having a different offices and things. Okay. That part too. But I was just saying, I’m even thinking we had to set time boundaries. Like, Hey, you know what, I haven’t had my coffee yet and I’m just waking up and I’m really not ready to talk about work. Or it’s after six or that too. Yeah. You know, like, and you know, it’s kind of funny. That’s how we were. We’re were different. For me, it’s like early morning you wake up excited, ready to go. You would love to talk about our day and our deals and our recordings before we, our feet even hit the floor.
Speaker 1: And I’m like, whew, I’m kind of enjoying just waking up and I’m enjoying the view, you know, kind of thing. And you’re like, okay, got it. So then on the flip side, you give me that? Yes. On the flip side, in the evening, my mind’s still going, I’m still doing deals. I’m still thinking about emails coming in. I’m still doing stuff. And you’re like, you know what? I would like the workday to end. It’s, you know, six o’clock. I want to just kind of, you know, enjoy time with you, go out to dinner, have fun, not think about work. So that’s how we, how we do it. So, but that’s what I mean by that. But the time, location boundaries. Now you’re talking about, you wanna explain what you mean about your other location boundaries. Are you ready?
Speaker 3: We’ve learned, Joe and I learned the hard way on real early on that it’s not best for us to work in the same office or really in the same zip code. Yeah. Honestly, what we do now. Yeah. I mean we were, we have a big house now, so, you know, when money’s tight and spaces small, you know, it’s just common sense. I mean go ahead through your list right through your list. Cause I have a lot. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Even back in the day we were on different floors, you could just do that, be on different floors. That’s okay. Yeah. So, yeah. So the last thing on my list is, you know, I’d talk your thing cause my
Speaker 3: Last thing on the list is a wrap it up thing we there. So the two big stressors in a marriage are an, everybody knows this, our money and children. So if you’re having financial problems and you have little children and we’ve all been there, Joe and I had been there you know, that if you add working together on top of that, you’re gonna the odds are you’re not gonna succeed. It’s hard. So if you’re the kind of person that really wants to beat the odds, you know, and a lot of guys are, chances are your spouse is not and something’s got to crack. And that’s real hard for a lot of men to hear. And, and, and except thank you. So something’s gotta give. So if you have a lot of little kids and you’re working at home and you’re working with your spouse and the money’s not coming in the way it should, that’s not healthy and that’s height pop.
Speaker 3: White people die young. But if you can remove some of that stuff, the kids are a little bit older now. We’ve got stabilized income. Maybe one person has a real good job, a good paying job. And so the play a big picture plan as the other person works at home, but they still work together. And he worked on some deals and they have a plan so that that can actually work out. But when you’re trying to accomplish all of it at once, it’s chances are it’s gonna really break and it might break the marriage. That’s, that’s really tragic. You know, you’re not supposed to work with your spouse. Let’s just, I’ll be honest. You know, you’re two people, Jill and I accomplish the, just about the exact same thing. How she goes about it is completely different than how I go about it. So we’d usually end up at the finish line about the same time with the same amount of dough sticking out of our pockets.
Speaker 3: So it’s real hard during that process to understand the other person’s way. I’m just being really straight. So what our answer was, great. We’re independently successful, we’re, we’re better together and I’ll get to that in a second. Let’s just stay out of each other’s way, like literally during the day and let’s get to a different zip code instead of that other person’s way. So all of this is predicated on this concept. So a lot of years ago, I was Washington, Dr Phil, and I’m not a Dr Phil Fan. I don’t advocate his stuff. I think a lot more than half of the stuff he says, it’s silly. But this really stuck with me. Every single relationship that you go into, you have to ask yourself this question, whether it’s socially or professionally or any relationship. What am I giving up to get go into this relationship? And that just stuck to me because it’s predicated on this concept.
Speaker 3: You’re already doing great yourself. So now you’re gonna bring somebody in and share it with them or and maybe sharing the money or sharing the success or the failure and all of it. So if you’re not better together, add in a workplace with your spouse, you should stop it right now. Let’s get another of different business partner a replace that person or whatever. But don’t, there’s too much. Try and make it work. Air quotes, way too much of that with spouses and marriages and people in partnerships, in my opinion, if it’s broken, give it a shot to fix it or get out of there. Life’s too short.
Speaker 1: I agree. That was good. I like it. No, I like the, I like your thank you for sharing. You’re really good about that, Steven. When you say, I know it’s hard to hear. It’s tough. My wish my dad told me so I’m here to tell you now and I think that everybody appreciates that whether we admit it or not, so you want to hear my last thing I do for sure. For me what the reason why. I think there’s one reason why you and I make this work and we are so successful in everything that we do and you know what it is. We have the same goals. Yeah. We realize that a long time ago. At the very end, I’m talking five, 10 year out their goals and we, yeah, and we talk about them often and we adjust them. By the way, we’ve been all share.
Speaker 1: We’ve been forever thinking we’re going to be in Santa Barbara the day our kid last kid graduates high school, which is in about what, three years? Well, you know what? We just spent a week up there. I’m like, that might be too slow for me right now. I think in three years I would be bored. Yeah. If we were up there too soon. And that was our plan. So we just spent some time at there. Now we’re tweaking our plan, but we talked about it and we’re on the same page. And it’s funny because I have a really good friend who said, well you there, they’re not in a good place in their relationship, but I was talking about you and I, she’s just like asking me about us. And I said, you know, we have the same goals and we talk about it. She goes, God, I wish we could do that.
Speaker 1: Really? Yeah. And she was even saying, cause we know them both separately and together. And we love them. And she said, would you, could you get that in a conversation? I’m like, I don’t know how I could slide it in there, you know, but she’s like this, you have no idea who you’re talking to. Yeah. Well, okay, I’ll tell you later. She actually asked me like, you know, when I’m not around and you’re talking with my husband and you guys are chatting, can you slide it in there that that’s how you guys roll. And I, and I haven’t had the opportunity yet where I could, I don’t. And like I said, I’m not sure how to use that in a conversation, but, but that’s, that’s it. And she goes, God, that makes us such as, we are not on the same page. She said, we don’t have the same goals.
Speaker 1: We don’t, we don’t, we don’t even talk about them. We don’t even talk about there are. So there’s so day to day and they’re lucky if they’re on the same page, the same day each day. Cause it sounds like they’re not, you know, every day it’s like how, Gosh, way to go. I know. And I felt so bad for him, but, but for us, I think having that same end goal for you and I, yeah. Leads to the same goal at the end of every year. Leads the same goal at the end of every month and then back it up to every day. Yup. Makes it easier. Here’s my parting
Speaker 3: Thought. Every single day, multiple times a day, something happens in one of these companies that we have, I think we have nine of them now and Joel does some stuff and I say to myself, consciously or subconsciously, thank God she’s dealing with that so I don’t have to cause I really hate that part of it. And so that’s why this works because we’re better together. Hmm. I hope this mets the same with you, like thank God she’s dealing with that stuff because I do not want to do it.
Speaker 1: Exactly. I do. You do that. You jump in a lot of times and you know what in your role. Nice about saying it. If would you like me to handle this? And I’m like, heck yes.
Speaker 3: I’ve been in prior relationships where I’ve said some version of this sentence, man, it’s this. If she wasn’t around, this would be a heck of a lot easier.
Speaker 4: Hi. Yeah, I believe that.
Speaker 3: And so guess what? She’s not around.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and your life is better.
Speaker 3: Yeah. We know your time’s valuable. Thanks for spending some of it with us today. You want us next time for the episode called why House Academy, why that launch was so successful,
Speaker 1: And we answer your questions posted on our online community. Found it. Landinvestors.Com it is free.
Speaker 3: You are not alone in your real estate ambition. That was fun. That was a good show. I like that. Feel like we missed a bunch of stuff. Probably do it tomorrow while I think about it.
Speaker 1: When you think about it all at that time, I think we did a good job. I think we covered a lot. Wherever you’re watching or wherever you’re listening, please subscribe and rate us there.
Speaker 3: We’re Steve and Jill. Information and inspiration to buy undervalued property.
If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to email me directly at steven@BuWit.com.
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